We arrived back in the United States in Seattle where my in-laws were at airport to greet us.  It was a long flight from Frankfurt through London then on to Seattle but we made it fine. We left London at about 9:00 AM and also arrived in Seattle about 9:00 AM on the very same day.  Flying west and over the pole as we did allowed us to pretty much make a time zone an hour. 

We were lucky after we cleared customs I called the military port to see if our car had arrived and was ready for pick up.  I had taken it to Bremerhaven in Germany in mid October and sure enough it was in Seattle.  So the first thing we did was to go to the port and pick up our car.  It was sort of strange putting everyone into our own car once again.  Susan and I had dropped it off in Seattle just a little over 4 years before.  One of maybe 5 or 6 times in our 22 years of marriage that she actually went off alone with me and not the kids or some of her friends.  

We all were exhausted and all of us went to bed about eight o’clock that night.  However there was a 9 hour time difference in our bodies so for us it was more like 5 AM.  We did not sleep very long we all more or less woke up about 2 AM and I got this wild idea to find a 24 hour quickie mart and explore the world of 24 hour shopping once again.  In Germany and through out Europe while we were there the stores all closed about 6 or 7 PM  and were closed by 2 PM on Saturdays not to reopen again until Monday morning.  Our time lag problem was gone by the second night when we arrived in Eastern Washington to in-laws where we were going to spend the next 30 days. 

In just about 4 or 5 days Susan, Sara, and I headed down to Sacramento to find a new home for us to move into.  We only took 4 days total to drive there look at houses and sign an offer on one only 4 miles from my new base before we returned back to Washington. 

My second week back in the states my old stomach problems started up again with a vengeance this time. I had not been in that much pain since 1981 when they first started.  My mother in law at the time knew of a gastroenterologist in town that agreed to see me.  He knocked me out and put a scope down my throat the best he could and said it looked to him like I had a hernia there and that was the cause of all the problems I had had for the past 6 years.  He prescribed a couple of pills for me along with antacid and in a short while I was feeling pretty good again. Not 100% but much better than I had felt in years. 

When the leave was up I headed down to Sacramento by myself in mid January 1988.  We could not take possession of our new home there until the first week of February so Susan and the kids stayed with her folks and she put them in school up there. 

The assignment was the surprise of a lifetime that would ultimately change our lives forever.  I had been selected by the Army to command a Top Secret Command.  Every thing I did from the time I got there on was what they called Black Ops.  The secretary of the Army had to approve my selection for the command.  It was a Major’s command but I was suppose to be on the next Major’s list due out in a month or so after I arrived.  The idea was for me to take command by April but that got changed until November when the outgoing commander’s orders were changed and he stayed.   

I can not go into details about the command and risk even telling you it was a very critical part of what is now known as  the “Shadow Government” program started by then President Reagan early in his first term.  The Vice President George Bush was the head of the entire program.  If we wanted to take even one of our vehicles out and drive it the approval had to come from the White House.  I learned many things that I wished I never knew and still must keep secret today. Even though the unit is no longer around the mission is still very vital to national security today as the events of 9-11 showed us all.   Basically I was to command the National Command Center in the event of a national emergency.  Of course command did not mean I ran the show I was the base commander supporting the Joint Chief’s of Staff, the Secretary of Defense and possibly the President himself if he were to come to our site.  There were many facilities and locations with in the normal command structure and also many other covert ones like us as well.  This particular mission and unit was one that I helped closed down years later while assigned myself to the White House.  Our unit was designed more or less for WW III and we all agreed in the early 90s with the fall of the old Soviet Union a different structure would be more appropriate. 

What it did to me was it caused me very much to become a loner outside of my own unit.  We all pretty much became the same way. We were forbidden to talk about anything we did; anywhere we were going and only allowed to discuss our cover missions with out disclosing where we deployed when we conducted tests.  Far worse than trying to make sure we did not ever leak any classified data each of us in the two line units had to deal with the very real possibility of deployment due to war. What was required of each of us was to come to grips with the fact that we were going to go to a safe area some time prior to  an all out nuclear attack ( I say some time because the exact time frame we would know about the attack would be based on very sensitive sources, the intelligence community was positive based on their source that we’d be given more than enough time to deploy and accept our  JCS staff before the first missiles were even launched) Now imagine if you can what it would be like not only as a father and a husband to know that WW III was imminent and you were not only going to be with a rare group of survivors charged with the conducting the finial phases of such a war but you were leaving every single one you loved at home and forbidden to give them any warning what so ever.  We were under orders to leave and survive knowing full well our families and everything we knew would soon be turned into ashes.  These issues were daily part of our conversations and counseling between us.  It was a living nightmare every time our beepers would go off for each and every one of us.   It was pretty hard on Susan and the kids at times when I would go away and not be able to even tell them where I was going and a few times even that I was going or when I’d be back.   They had no clue that any one of my deployments could have meant the end of the world as they knew it.  I changed quite dramatically as a result of this assignment as you can imagine.  When we would deploy our families had no contact with us at all while we were gone.  So few people even at the White House knew of us that when two years later they were looking to talk to me about an interview for a White House job.  It took them 2 days to finally get word to me and for me to go some 200 miles off site to make a call directly to the personnel section so they would not be able to locate where I really was. 

It was hard not having any friends other than at work when we lived in a normal Sacramento neighborhood.  I know Susan never understood why and I am not sure she even tried to understand since I could not even tell her what we really did for a living.  She must have suspected at times something was up very few commands authorized and issued federal concealed weapons permits and I never left my home with out my 9MM pistol.  It was made very clear to us that our mission was the single most sought after mission by Soviet Intelligence and in fact by most every other government in the world at the time.  The United States denied the existence of the “Shadow Government” until after 9-11 when it was disclosed that most of the units and the government agencies they support had deployed from Washington DC.   So basically we were all afraid of saying something wrong to the wrong person and we were told to suspect everyone.  We knew that if any foreign agent ever found out or suspected what we really did not only our own lives were in real danger but our family’s lives were also in very real danger as well. 

Many people in my own family as well as old and even new friends look at me today and remember me from the old days and find it hard to believe that I was even part of such an organization much less the commanding officer of it.  I can only tell you that I am a different person at work than in my private life and learned to be even more so when everything we did was so classified.   

After all the hours I had to put in at work and away from my family in Germany especially during my last command it was a very welcome relief that I did not have to take command again immediately after arriving in Sacramento, especially command with such a critical mission to support the JCS.  I made a very critical career / family decision the first couple of months here.  I made the Major’s list which meant that I would be promoted to Major in time.  However with the downsizing going on in the Army now it was going to take several more months.  I made the list I believe in March of 1988 but I ended up waiting until November of 1988 to actually get the promotion and pay of a Major.  I knew it would take time so I decided to forgo any additional training in my own time.  What that means is in order to be promoted some day to Lieutenant Colonel (LTC) I should have done two things,  first I needed to take the Command and General Staff College (CGSC) course either by correspondence or in the local US Army Reserve school there at the base.  I also needed to get a Master’s degree in something.  I had to give up so much time with my wife and children in Germany that I simply couldn’t give more than my normal duty time.  I wanted to be a husband and a father again and be with my family for a change.  I did not take the time either for my Master’s Degree or CGSC.  I was counting on being selected for the resident course at Fort Leavenworth for CGSC but as it turns out they were not selecting for the residents course due to the downsizing of the Army unless you all ready had taken the correspondence course and have a Master’s Degree on top of that.  They had to do something to help cut down the force and that was the bar they were using at the time.  I knew I’d have enough time with my prior service to at least put 20 years I may have to retire as a Major but it was the best chance I had of salvaging some family time for us. 

I ended up being the deputy operations officer from February 1988 through October 1988 when I finally took command once again.  I had asked many times not to have to take a 3 command since the requirement and the norm was only one command for officer until they were a LTC and would take command of a battalion.  However you really don’t get choices in the Army when you are selected by the Army for command and approved in this case by the Secretary of the Army himself.   I could tell Susan was not at all excited or supportive of yet another command position for me. 

During the time I was in operations I took advantage as much as possible to be with my family.  By April I had purchased a mini motor home that I also used for our second car allowing Susan full time use of the primary car.  I went camping with my family or just my son and Sara at least twice a month.  Many times after work I would load just Shawn and Sara in the motor home and go to one of the local rivers to fish and camp over night.  We got a lot of use out of that little motor home.  I actually would for the time in Sacramento load it up on Sunday afternoons with food, my uniforms so that every morning during the week I could drive to work, do my physical training then go inside my own place to shower, relax, eat breakfast I cooked and watch the news on my TV I had in there.  For the first time since I was at Fort Huachuca I could and would go home several times a week for lunch with Susan and Sara.  We even got to be intimate again since I was home so often and a lot of the times Sara would be napping when I came home.  It was like when we were first married again and all seemed to be very good at home.  Susan was use to me being home at normal times with a normal 8-10 hour day.  Only a few times did I have to deploy with one of the two line companies either for my own training or to evaluate how the units were doing.  Many times during their process I would have to stand a watch where the JCS normally did since they would all deploy with the line companies.  That would expose me even more classified reports every time I stood watch. We would get raw human intelligence during the watch that we were required to keep track of from around the world.  This is part of the information I guard very closely because even now that the intelligence is over 15 years old many of the agents we had overseas are still active or the sources of the information are still alive.  If I were to disclose any thing I learned there regardless of its’ particular value would certainly put the people involved lives at grave risk.  As you surely must understand these people and every member of their families could be killed for retaliation and they still may very well be providing critical information to this very day.   Regardless foreign agent lives are one of our most guarded secrets because their lives and future information is critical to our defense.  

Believe it or not the FBI and military intelligence feared the police more than any Soviet Union agent or other foreign agent.  The reason was we could be pulled over by any local police officer that was looking for a promotion and there was a great deal of problems at the time with the military smuggling drugs and such using military aircraft and vehicles.  As I am sure many of you are aware not all cops are created equally or even with the intelligence to know when they are in over their head and could have exposed hundreds of billions of dollars of information and compromising the entire security of not only the United States but of the entire free world.  Think about this just for a moment so you can understand what I am trying to say.  Take for instance the events of 9-11 and if they had been even worse than they were like taking out the Pentagon with a dirty bomb and even one or two of the well know alternate command post systems.  If any one knew we existed in those days they simply would either have taken us out too, or followed us to one of our many locations and did their dirty work there.  This was no joke to the FBI and the intelligence community; we were under orders to kill any one including the police that would not back down from our orders and warnings to stay clear.  To top it off when we were deployed or at home station an intruder would have to make it past two different fence systems with razor wire all clearing marked that the use of deadly force was authorized to get to us.  We had every piece of nuclear release material, war plans, and so much more when we moved.  No one had a need to know about it except those directly responsible for using them.  Thank God we never had to use deadly force although a few times some got a little worried when we would go through the weigh stations with our trucks. We carried clearance from each state governor’s office that would allow us to pass through with out pulling over.  The lead vehicle normally carried the company executive officer along with the orders to show to the police as well as clearing tell them that a military convoy was with several serials to it would pass by and would not be stopping.  95% of the time this worked and 5 % of the time some cop would try to make a name for him self by saying no one had the right to drive by his weigh station regardless of the clearance we carried.  Well little known to him we were armed to the teeth and always drove with not only FBI agents shadowing us but military intelligence agents as well. There main purpose was to observe vehicles and passengers that would pass us and ensure they did not pay too much attention to us or worse follow us.  They would also be called in for support with local police morons that refused to obey the orders of their own governors.  At the time I was so naïve I would argue against the use of deadly force on our own police never believing even one could be so stupid.  However the reason for this entire book is because I found out the hardest way possible that far too many police departments, prosecuting attorneys, and even courts are simply too corrupt now.  Every thing the FBI and military intelligence tried to teach me the easy way in the late 80s I found out very hard. 

I can’t tell you how good I felt at home during this time. It was like I was really married again and a father again with all the time we got to spend together. Susan would keep the house very clean and took great care of the kids and me once again. She would no longer deny intimacy to me as punishment for being gone and much of the time when she would get behind I was able to take one or more of the children away with me for a day or more at a time for camping so she could catch up on house work and some time for her self once again.  As far as our home life was it had never been better and in fact would only get worse once we left Sacramento to go on to the White House in 1990. 

I took command of the A-Team in November of 1988 and every man there was hand selected by the Army to be in the position they were in.  Since I was all ready selected for promotion to Major and I had to deal directly with every level of the JCS the Army felt it was best to allow me to wear the rank of Major even if I would not get the pay. That permission is what the military calls frocking. The frocking of non general officers in the Army is very uncommon and only done in the general ranks if the individual has not only been selected and approved by congress for the rank but he or she must also be filling a command position that calls for that rank in order for the Secretary of the Army to grant the frocking permission.  For me it was a very high honor to be frocked to Major since it was so very rare and only the Secretary of the Army himself can approve the order.  (Click hear to view the ceremony) Needless to say my unit was all very high ranking Non Commissioned Officers, Warrant Officers, and Officers the best the Army could put together in all but maybe 1%.  There is always 1% that seems to slip by the system some how.  The job was still very intense because it was a real world mission with the fate of the world resting on all of us doing the very best we could if deployed. Training was equally serious and I made sure of that part never excusing even the slightest error in anything we did.  That does not mean I punished men who did make a mistake it means we would redo it as many times as I felt required until I was absolutely sure that they would always get it right after that even if I could not be there to watch it.   

As far as high standards are concerned we made a perfect team.  Where my standards were higher than the men that worked for me they would raise to my standards, and where their standards were higher than mine I raised to theirs.  We soon became well known through out the entire Continuity of Government (COG) community as the best of the best. The set standard for instance for establishing the command center at a deployment site was 6 hours we could do it every time in just under 2 hours.  I would get in a lot of trouble from my peacetime battalion commander because the other unit could rarely get it done in the 6 hour standard.  I was ordered many times to slow down and lower our standards.  However no military commander ever orders his troops to dumb down and I would never do it either.  As a result there was a lot of friction between me and my immediate commander but I knew I was right and always would have the backing of the JCS.  Think about it, if after something like 9-11 or even worse a nuclear event would you like your military to be ready to resume business as usual in 2 hours or 6 or more hours?  There were dozens of organizations around the world including 24 hour aircraft that can keep the flow going as if nothing happened anyway so don’t fear an enemy would have to take out dozens and dozens of alternate command centers all at the same time in locations around the world in order to even make a slight dent in our abilities to respond to any threat at the time of the threat.   

On one particular world wide test of the COG system I was in command of the deployed site.  I had over 32 stars on my site that included 4 star generals and admirals from the JCS.  The four star admiral that was the acting Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff for this test congratulated my unit as the best organization with the highest esprit de corps and efficiency that he had ever seen in his 35 years of military service.  He remarked to us all that it would take 15 years for any other unit in the COG system to meet our standards or mission accomplishments.  I was never more proud of my soldiers than I was at that moment in time.   

During the deployment the Admiral asked for a tour of all our operational equipment and during this time he saw many of my soldiers on their hands and knees waxing and even buffing the lug nuts on the trucks that carried the command center.  He asked me what on earth I did to make them do that.  I told him I did nothing at all they do it all on their own.  He remarked Bull Shit either they are being punished or you did something.  The only thing I did I told him is that since it was critical that our vehicles always be ready for the next movement with out fail is that at the end of each deployment I would inspect every single vehicle myself all 34 of them.  The best vehicle team would receive a 4 day pass for their efforts.  The bottom line is I told him they all were so good that they resorted to even this knowing full well it would take me from 2 to 3 days of very hard and very dirty work for me to crawl all over and under every single part of the truck to find the slightest flaw.  It was their personal way of getting even with me for all the work they did to watch me get so dirty and work so hard to “reward” them. He then started to laugh and said okay I understand that Major and he would laugh from then on when ever he saw them take such pain to ensure the readiness of all their equipment. 

As I told you every single movement we did was under the directed operational control of the White House and the Vice President himself.  Also every convoy route had to be planned in very great detail and timing to ensure all the support from the FBI and military intelligence forces charged with ensuring our movements were both as covert and secure as possible with out us having to resort to brut force to defend our lives and missions.  Again we were the single most sought after organization by the Soviet Union during the Cold War.  So, as a result convoy routes were very detailed as were the pre convoy briefings very similar to preflight mission briefings done by combat aircraft timing, routes, and even rest stops were critical and included very detailed maps and drawings.   

One night after a very long deployment we were on our way back home from our test site.  I personally briefed each team of drivers after the group briefing making each team repeat the orders and the routes to me. The drivers were all very senior NCOs or officers and of course I had done all that could be done to ensure all would be done right.  We never had a mistake before so there was no real reason to worry.  Now the rest of the story, this particular night the routine route and rest stops that the unit was use to taking had changed slightly in order to give them a chance to actually get some hot coffee and snacks at a real truck stop for a change. That change is the main reason I took special care to ensure each team understood the change.   

It was suppose to be our very first rest stop,  Our rest stops were very critical to our safety as well as every one else on the public roads with us.  You see my unit was required to always move at night to avoid detection of any kind from any countries spy satellites.   Also that meant that after a long deployment with 18 hour days for most men we would be putting in over 24 hour days the nights we would drive home.  The men were always tired and never as clear headed as the night we’d leave home for a deployment site.   

I traveled with a team of 24 military policemen to provide direct security under my personal command.  So my lead MP and I headed out about 10 minutes prior to the first serial was depart to ensure that the rest stop was clear enough for the trucks to pull in or order an alternate stop.  All was clear at the rest stop so we went back to the intersection where the critical turn was to be made by the lead vehicle.  We waited and about 30 minutes later they started to come in, we had our bubble gum lights going and I was in the street with a flashlight myself to waive them on to the rest stop as well as trying to reach the lead vehicle by radio.  Well much to my surprise the lead vehicle blew by me and the intersection and got directly on to interstate 5 in California.  I was furious especially when the next 4 vehicles in the serial followed them in spite of my standing in the street waiving them to pull through to the rest stop.  I got the remaining vehicles to go in the right direction on to the rest stop and my MP and I took off to pull over the other 5 trucks in the convoy and get them turned around.   

By now it was almost midnight on a very lonely portion of I-5.  I got the trucks pulled over along the side of the road and was reading the riot act about the importance of following orders and the correct convoy routes and the critical nature of all the support forces that supported us.  After about 5 minutes of this and telling them to follow me to the next turn around point we all loaded back up in our trucks mine was in the very front of these 5 trucks now so they could follow me.  Keep in mind these men had been awake now and working in excess of 18 hours some for more than 24 hours.  I never liked these moves at night because I knew there was so much more potential for disaster with the lack of sleep they were forced to endure during our movements.  Well disaster did strike. 

Just as I was ready to pull out the driver for the tail vehicle came running up to my window where I was now driving yelling that a car and run up underneath his semi.  To make matters even worse he was driving a fuel tanker that we had just topped off with 8,000 gallons of diesel fuel.  I immediately ran back to his truck with my MP and found that a small car and ran off the road and buried itself up underneath and now was on fire sitting under 8,000 gallons of diesel fuel.  I quickly looked inside the car the best I could the driver appeared to be dead but she was lucky in many ways.  Even though the majority of her car was under the truck she caught the left rear dual wheels and they stopped her from going too far.  I told the MP to call for an ambulance using the crude cell phone and radios we had.  The fire in her engine was quickly getting out of hand and I was sure that if we did not take action quickly she would be burnt to a crisp.  One of my men and I grabbed what fire extinguishers we could and tried to put out the engine fire with in seconds I knew we were fighting a loosing battle so while we held back the flames the best we could I ordered another sergeant to get her out of the car in the hopes she was still alive and would survive.  The smoke now was very intense and the flames only getting bigger and bigger we could barely breath much less stand so close to the flames.  Her seat belt was jammed and he stated he could not get her out so I ordered him to cut her seat belt and get her the hell out of that car.   

He was a big strong man and he cradled this woman like a baby in his arms now and I told him to take her about 300 yards in front of my truck so she would be safe. You see to make matters worse we were going up a hill.  Meaning that if the gasoline in her car exploded and damaged the diesel tank in the process there would be 8,000 gallons of burning fuel running down hill all over everything and every one in its path.   I went with him since fighting the fire now was a lost cause and at least trucks could be replaced and lives couldn’t.  I quickly checked her and she did have a pulse so I was thankful for that.  

The dilemma was far from over.  When we tried to drive the truck and tank away from the burning car we found it was wedged so well under the truck that it would not pull free.  So I ordered that they disconnect the cab from the trailer and we could at least safe the truck if not the trailer.  By now the rear of the fuel trailer was on fire too,  all the rubber mud flaps, the tail lights, the rear tires, rubber hoses, the paint and the one large fire extinguisher was also on fire.  Once the cab was free and far enough up hill to remain safe I grabbed a large flashlight and went down the free way about 400 yards and started waving the traffic to a stop in the middle of I-5 near midnight I was pretty sure I’d be killed trying but was lucky the first vehicle was another trucker who could sense the danger and stopped his truck for me and radioed back to others to do the same or pull off.  The last thing I wanted was for more innocent people to be driving by when her gasoline exploded.  Once I was sure that traffic was now reasonably safe I turned my attention the phone and talking with my command headquarters about the situation.  

I was trying desperately to get them to release some of the vehicles I had at the rest stop only 3 miles behind me including my doctor and ambulance to treat the woman as well as a 6,000 gallon water truck we could have used to fight the fire. Since we were on a covert mission neither the White House nor my command would release the vehicles and risk further compromise of our over all mission.  By now my lead MP had collected every single dispatch and convoy briefing maps they were all classified Top Secret with several different code words and the last thing we needed now on top of the fire was a compromise of the total COG program.   I was fighting mad the men and I that fought the fire and pulled the woman from her car all needed medical attention we could barely breathe from all the smoke we inhaled.   

It took another 15 minutes before the first California Highway Patrol pulled up where I briefed him on what had taken place and the precautions we had all ready taken.  His first question to me now was why we pulled the woman from her car instead of waiting for medical personnel.  I pointed to the car that now was fully engulfed in flames and said that is why if we did not pull her from that mess you’d never find anything but ashes by now.  About this time a doctor that was stuck in the traffic I stopped came to me and asked if he could help I had one of the sergeants take him to the woman along with the patrol man.   

Finally 5 minutes later the local volunteer fire department finally arrived.  The parked back just in front of the traffic I stopped and pulled out two hoses.  All but one fire fighter stayed back with the fire truck and only the one had the nerve to face the fire with his hose the others were debating the danger to themselves if I was wrong about the tanker being full of diesel. I heard the one fire man yelling for someone to grab the other hose and help him. He was directing his water towards the front of the car and the tanker and needed help with more water on the rear. Since not one of the other fire fighters wanted to take the risk I ran up and grabbed the hose and started the water.   I could not get as close as I should since the hose was shorter than his but at least I could hit the car with it. He started to yell at me to come closer and I told him I was at the end of the hose with no more hose to come closer.  I yelled at the cop and the chief of the firefighters that I needed more hose their only response was that was all there was.  Since the fire truck was a good 300 yards a way I ordered them to get in the damn truck and drive it at least 20 feet closer to give me the hose length I needed to be more effective.  They simply stared at me as if I were an idiot to ask them to risk their truck as well as our lives for this fire. 

Well we were lucky I was close enough and the one fire fighter brave enough we got the fire out anyway.  If any of you know me or anything about military officers in a live or death matter you will know I was furious at the cop and the fire department now.  They were still making excuses for not enough hose to give me more hose.  I had not questioned them anymore about it but since they brought it up I lit into them.  I pointed out that it was almost acceptable that they could not react in the emergency by them selves but it was totally in excusable for them after I gave direction to drive the fire truck closer to offer any excuse for the length of the hose. I pointed out that we are all in a uniform of one kind or another we were all dressed in military uniforms the cop in his uniform and the firemen as well. There are 300 cars down there I pointed with maybe 500 innocent civilians that count on us to protect them they pay us to know exactly what to do in an emergency to keep them safe.  Now like I said early it is somewhat okay that you were over come by the event and could not think for you self in the emergency but given the proper direction to simply drive the fire truck closer you failed.  You should be ashamed and need to resign you jobs because those 500 people could have all been burnt alive if that car exploded and broke open my diesel trailer.  I was cussing them like brand new privates now.  I was scared to death my self because when you looked at the car by the time we got the fire out the only thing left that even looked like a car was the trunk and the gas tank the rest had melted away in the heat. 

That was one very long night it took an additional 8 hours once we had to use the alternate convoy route to get home with the last serial of trucks being ordered to spend the daylight hours about 150 miles from home during the daylight hours to ensure no one or no satellite could spot them moving into our home station. I had a hard time for a few days breathing clearly because of the smoke.  With the problems I had personally with my battalion commander he was trying to blame me for the whole incident now and started a military report of survey on me to hold me financially responsible for the damage.   

As we found out shortly after the cop arrived the woman that was driving the car was extremely drunk that night with a blood alcohol rating 10 times past the legal limit.  The report of survey officer as well as the brigade commander cleared me of all responsibility.  The man that helped me fight the initial car fire and the man that pulled the woman out of the burning car both got the Army’s highest award for heroism in peacetime for their efforts.  I was never recommended for any award mainly because my battalion commander was punishing me for not slowing my troops down to meet the 6 hours standard he wanted me to meet.  In the long run the only thing I know is we did the right thing that night and continued to do the right thing during our deployments doing the best we could in everything we did.  God was watching over us that night there is no other expatiation what so ever that car did not explode. Her fuel tank was full of gas and the only thing left that even looked like a car was the trunk and her gas tank.   You may not believe in God and to be honest at the time I was not sure but after all I been through in my life especially the last 5 years I know that there is one God and He watches over me in spite of every dumb move I make and the best efforts of Satan to harm me. 

Enough about the Army in this chapter I am still worried about exposing too much information even though the unit and the mission has been gone for well over 10 years now.  This was the best years of our marriage and family life for all of us. I was very much in love with Susan and my family and very proud of them too.  I was finally willing to give up my Army future to be with them by choosing not to pursue my required military education requirements for promotions now. 

However, the last year we were in Sacramento the beginning of end started for our marriage and family.  My two daughters started dance classes.  They started out innocent enough with maybe one or two classes each every week.  But in time Susan became obsessed with the dance classes.  She had always wanted to take dance classes her self as a little girl she would tell me and her mother and father neither had the time or the money to take her to dance classes. She wanted her girls to take as many classes as they wanted.  All the time in Sacramento the classes again were pretty reasonable until maybe the last 6 months when we started to plan every other event in our life including my military leaves around the girls dance classes.   

There were other problems as well.  With Sara our youngest being our last child we could ever have Susan was in no hurry to let her grow up at all.  She was even still nursing this child until the age of 5 in an effort to have a baby and keep Sara at home with her as long as possible.  There was no discussing this with Susan either she was going to nurse this child as long as she wanted too.  It was not until after we moved back to Maryland and into 1991 after Sara turned 5 years old that she stopped nursing her.   I later found out from Angela that Susan nursed her even longer than I thought she did because she only nursed her when I was not around. 

I ended my command very well and had been accepted to the White House Communications Agency in the summer of 1990. That was quite an accomplishment as far as I was concerned.  Only one out of every 100 officers that apply are accepted and can pass the most rigorous life style and background checks in the government in order to work daily and directly with and around the President of the United States.  Not only does it require military clearance, but the FBI, the Secret Service and the many members of the senior staff of the President all have to give clearance as well.  Not only my military record was spotless and in the highest order but the background checks on my life since I was 14 years old came back with out a bad word spoken about me by any of the dozens and dozens of people interviewed.   

I wish I could say Susan supported my feeling of accomplishment for being accepted to this assignment but she was not only mad about moving again and leaving the dance studio where for the first time she actually had an interest outside of the home, she knew full well that I was going to a very time consuming job once again.  Little did either of us know exactly how time consuming it would be until after I got there. 

The most serious part of our break up also started in the last couple of months I was in Sacramento as well. It not only was the beginning of the end for Susan and I it also was the beginning of what later led to my involvement with the police at all.  

What happened during my last deployment when I had all the generals and admirals on site is that I was away from home about 3 weeks total. During this time I had no privacy at all not ever more than a couple of minutes not even when I had to go to the bathroom I was in constant communication running that command center from real world threats to our security from passing satellites, generators, and real world threats from people on the ground as well as test threats and how we responded to them.   Well during these 3 weeks of no privacy and no wife I not only had no sex but was unable to take care of my own needs sexually by masturbating.  I had learned to accept masturbation with Susan over the years when she would cut me off because she was mad at me or when there was too much risk during her pregnancy with Sara. We were forced to not only safe Sara’s life but Susan’s life too not to have any kind of sex together it could have been deadly for either or both of them.  But during this deployment masturbation was not even an option so I went with out.  I never even thought twice about it since I had learned I could stand on my head with out sex for up to 5 months with Susan and in addition to her medical issues that one time.  However for me at that time in my life when Susan and I were having sex 3-4 times a week now going with out for 3 weeks nearly killed me. 

What happened was this.  When I returned from the deployment with in a day or two I was ordered to DC for my interview with the White House during the 3 days I was there I again simply didn’t have the time or the desire for sex or masturbation and it was not going on 4 weeks with out any release.  I had also by this time developed a pain in my groin around my left testicle that at first I assumed was nothing more than a pulled muscle from all the work I had just done along with all the extra running I was doing at the time.  By the time I got back home the pain had gotten very intense and I was having a hard time doing anything that did not cause pain to my groin area.   

I first went to the doctor that was assigned under my command and he was not exactly sure what was going on and prescribed some antibiotics for me just to be on the safe side incase I had an infection of some kind.  Well that was on a Thursday afternoon, and being the idiot I was at the time made my own choice not to take them. I did not want to take an anti biotic for a pulled muscle.  That was a very big mistake.  By Monday morning I could barely walk now.  My left testicle was in extreme pain any thing at all touching it was like being kicked by a mule in the same area.  I went back to my doctor and told him again what was going on and he was furious at me for not taking the medicine he prescribed to me.  He took one look at my testicles now and knew immediately I had a serious problem.  He took me himself to the hospital at Mather Air Force Base since the Army Depot only had a small clinic there.  He took me directly to the head Urologist and explained the symptoms himself to the doctor and then the doctor examined me both my testicles and my prostrate.  As it turned out by sperm duct had become clogged during this period with out sex and became infected and swollen what normally is the size of a human hair was now swollen to the size of my little finger with the infection.  Not only that but the infection had also spread to my prostrate now since I did not take the medication my own doctor told me to take.  I was in quite a mess now.  At the time I had no clue what had happened and neither of them suggested it was due to lack of sex or release.   

The doctor and the hospital at Mather AFB did have some limits to the infection I was dealing with and it could well be life threatening or cause castration if it did not respond to the medications.  So the doctor ordered me to near by Travis AFB a regional military medical center with more specialists and more equipment to deal with what I had.   

I was ordered to complete bed rest for the next 3 weeks, not that I needed an order I could barely move by now even to just walk to the bath room.  I was also ordered to Travis AFB for follow up by that first Friday. It is at Travis where the doctors started to ask about my sex life for the previous 1 to 2 months. I told them at home Susan and I were having sex 3-5 times a week I had deployed for several weeks and had no way to have sex with her during that time.   The doctor said it was a very common problem for military men in their 30s to develop what they called epididymitis and if left untreated too long could also lead to a prostrate infection like I was also suffering from.  They said it comes more often to men of my age at the time when after having a normal sex life (normal being normal for each individual and meaning there is no prescribed amount for normal other that what the particular individual is use to) that often during the night sperm will secrete trough the epididymitis not like when you are an adolescent but different in grown men. If you don’t completely ejaculate then quite often the sperm could dry up and become a blockage to the same event the nights after that and in time cause this type of infection.   I have to tell you it was very embarrassing for me to be discussing all this with this doctor you see it was the first female urologist I had encountered.  Not only did she have to do all the exams including the rectal exam to check my prostrate but we were discussing my sex life in detail as well.   She was the first of many female urologist I would encounter in the military system over the next several months this all began in May of 1990.  She told me in no uncertain terms in the future I would have to learn what normal frequency of complete ejaculations were for my body and either have sex with my wife or learn masturbate to solve the problem. I would have only a couple of options if I ignored this condition, one I could end up being castrated or I could die from the infection because in time it would become immune to the antibiotics and become untreatable.  Personally I have to admit neither of those two options was in my top ten for my future.   

I came home that day and tried to explain to Susan what the doctor had said to me and she became not only very mad but completely insensitive to my problem. She was very mad at me saying I made it all up as an excuse to have more sex and that was all it was.  She refused to go to even one follow up appointment I had while I remained in California with me to hear it for her self from the 3 different doctors I saw at Travis AFB.  She instead started asking her friends and her own gynecologist.  I have to tell you to ask a gynecologist about a man’s urology problem was not her best choice.  

This all led to a life time problem between Susan and me. You see she was bound and determined from that point on to prove to me that my problem could never have been caused by lack of sex so she set out to prove to me how long I could go with out sex with her.  However, not only taking into account the advice of all the doctors I not only saw at Travis AFB and later the doctors at Bethesda Naval Hospital while stationed at the White House I saw my only option as masturbating once again as if I were a 16 year old boy once again.  I had no idea how determined Susan could be at this she would refuse to help me in any way or to have sex with me if she felt it was out of necessity on my part making me go up to 5 months as time went on with out any contact with her.   

By the end of 1990 I had turned to Penthouse magazine now to help me with masturbating as I had done as a single man years before.  This only increased her anger with me now as many women I am sure would now start to side with her that I was becoming use to pornography and she was furious.  More details on this in the coming chapters.  

Shortly after I changed command in Sacramento my clearance and orders for the White House arrived and I left for duty there in early August 1990 only two days after Iraq invaded Kuwait.  I had to travel by myself again not only because we owned the house in Sacramento that we needed to sell I had no place for Susan and the kids in the DC Area to stay either.