Chapter Fifteen "Will Peace Ever Come"

Well now I have been in California now just over 7 years and living in an area I never wanted to return to when I left in 1970.  I have made do because I looked at the situation much like I did when I was in the Army and had to deal with duties that were not as good as others.  I know that someday this will all pass and I can actually move on from here and with my life as well. 

No one seems to understand that I lost everything I had and I mean everything when this started.  I lost two houses, my savings, my stocks my bonds, my wife, my family, 99% of everything I had ever had in my life was taken from me.  I can never vote again, I can’t really go back to school of any kind as a registered sex offender it doesn’t appear that I will ever have another job in my life either.  I had several fire arms that I had most of my life and many my father had given to me pretty much all I ever had ever received from father.  I am actually surprised that the police didn’t release the number of guns I had to the press and paint me as a threat to society that way as well.  Since I was in the Army of course I knew how to use a gun and I pretty much only used them for target practice and simply shooting for fun.  The only time I even pointed a weapon at someone was in the line of duty and then never fired a shot at a single person in my life.   

I carried a pistol pretty much since 1988 when I was first assigned to work in the “Shadow Government”.  We were told that our mission was the single most sought after mission by the then Soviet Union and they would along with most any other country stop at nothing to find out where we were and the particulars of our mission for Continuity of the Executive Branch of the United States.  Keep in mind I served as the commanding officer of two such organizations and worked on the staff as well doing planning, site inspections as well as finding new locations.  Some locations had been in place since the 1950s and we were always closing sites and reopening them to keep the list of people who knew exact locations as low as possible.  The last set I worked on the President himself had to approve the list of people who were read on to the programs and site locations. 

Since this was the case I knew full well that the possibility of trouble finding me or my family was high.  I was given a federal concealed weapon permit that allowed me to carry my pistol at any time.  We were lucky because the cover stories created seemed to keep the enemy away from us.   I never told my wife or children anything about my real missions and responsibilities for several reasons.  First of course is they had no need to know and second if they ever knew the threat to their safety would increase.   

I know it’s hard for anyone that ever knew me except those who I served with to understand the responsibilities I held and the need for absolute secrecy.   Not only were our life’s in constant danger but the life’s of our families and the security of the nation and even the world were entrusted to us.  It is not a situation to be taken lightly to be responsible for the safety, the life’s, and the ability to provide mission critical support to the Joint Chief’s of Staff and the President of the United States when faced with the threat of WW III and events such as 9-11.  To this day I would bet I know more about Presidential security and continuity than 98% of the people assigned to the White House today. 

It’s ironic in many ways that I can never be trusted again with a security clearance or even find a job when one of the main reasons I agreed to plead guilty was to protect the information entrusted to me by the US government.   I will carry my secrets to my grave and even though the police swore to me the night I was arrested they would get to the bottom of every secret I had I never told them or anyone else details beyond what the public was made aware of about the “Shadow Government” after 9-11.  The only thing I have confessed to about that is I was the commanding officer of two such organizations. 

I know what it takes to secure a location for hiding of the President, from airfields to medical supplies and what sites and materials required for a days stay up to a 6 month relocation situation. 

I have lost over 60 % of my retirement to my x-wife.  The divorce court didn’t consider the fact that as a disabled veteran drawing a 30% disability annuity for the VA that those funds are taken straight off the top of my military retirement, given to the VA by the US Army to disperse to me monthly simply as tax free income.  When the court divided the retirement they simply looked at the gross pay and gave Susan 50% of that.  Then in fact also giving her 50% of my disability pay as well.  Of course I was not able to defend myself due to the fact I was stuck in California on probation during this time and even if I would have been allowed to go to Idaho I could in no way have afforded the trip anyway.  The divorce proceedings took place with out any input from me what so ever. All that I had given to my lawyer and handed over to Susan’s lawyer was never submitted before a judge to be considered in the final out come.  It’s simply bizarre to me that the judge would in actuality give Susan my pay and 100% of our joint property when she was living with another man during the last 18 months of our marriage sharing expenses with him and his children.  My sole source of income is my retirement and my VA pension for a total of just over $1,200 a month.  Susan now not only works she gets $1,200 a month from the Army as awarded by the divorce court, she makes around $3,000 a month from her job, she also now takes care of her disabled brother and receives another $3,000 a month from the state as his care taker.  On top of that her parents had set up a trust fund for her brother about 40 years ago that they invested nearly every dime he ever got for being disabled along with contributions of their own so she in fact manages a trust fund for him close to a million dollars.  So as you can see she has more income now each month than I could provide even when I was making $120,000 a year yet some how the people in charge give her half of my retirement.  She should be paying me alimony since she was about 95% responsible for me being in this situation.   

You remember the old saying behind every successful man is a good woman?  Well there are two sides to that coin in that behind a failed man is an evil woman.  This woman remember was denied active duty twice before we met because one she was not qualified to be an Army officer and two she was caught in a lie the second time she applied.   She simply latched on to me when we met at our officer’s basic training in the Signal Corps knowing I was her only hope of ever being with the Army and getting some sort of life time annuity from me.  She use to joke to me at first how she trapped me into marrying her and how she told everyone she knew she was going to have a baby with in a year if she was married or not.  I just never believed that until the last 10 years or so. 

Keep in mind this woman never supported my being in the Army and complained to me all the time about the hours I had to spend at work saying often in front of our children that the only reason I worked was to get away from her and our children.  I don’t know how that would make you feel or what your children or even mine would feel hearing their mother saying that to me all the time.  She stopped having anything to do with the cleaning of any of my uniforms in 1979 the year our first child was born and from that time on she stopped one thing after another until 2000 when I sentenced here in California.   By then she was no longer cooking meals for us, she cleaned the house maybe once every other month, the bed was never made not even once since 1979, she stopped washing 90% of my clothes in the early 1990’s and was rarely if ever home when I was.  She was out the last year we were living together 4 or 5 nights a week drinking and dancing with her friends from work.  In our whole marriage I may have been out 10 times with out her that was not absolutely required simply by my work. 

I can tell you one thing for absolute sure and that is a woman that would cheat with you while she is still married to another man will absolutely cheat on you as well when ever and as often as she can.  The fact that I carry a label that is assumed to be a life time disease is just a label not a fact at least in my case. Remember every physiological test I was forced to endure, every single shrink I was forced to meet with along with background checks conducted that covered my entire life by over 4 dozen federal officers and my lie detector test results would all verify I am not, I was never, nor will I ever be a child molester in any way shape or form.  However Susan on the other hand is an adulteress and that will never change for her as long as she lives.  She has lied her entire life to get what she wants and to her credit I do see that it has more than paid off for her.  I on the other hand have a reputation for telling the truth that is well documented and in fact has often gotten me in to trouble because I tell people the truth even when it’s not what they wanted to hear.  As far as I can see Susan has not only succeeded by telling lies her whole life she has been rewarded often by the courts for her lies as well.  I can see in her mind why she always called me a nerd for not being more like her. 

I am here to tell you a simple fact that will never change for me, I don’t lie and I don’t intend to start regardless of my situation.  I will never take anything that doesn’t belong to me with out it being offered to me first.  I will stay in my apartment alone and hungry before I would ever steal a slice of bread from anyone.  I am a Christian and know that God will take care of me according to His will not mine or the will of the state.  I am also an Army officer and proud of that fact and will keep my title as long as I live and I never did nor will I ever do anything to dishonor the military in anyway. 

I am free of probation but live under the constant restraints of being a registered sex offender for the rest of my life.  I live in constant fear that people that know me will find out and reject me as did many of my friends did when this first happened.  What will forever hurt is the fact that people that knew me my whole life and saw me with their families and their children could simply stand by and watch as my family and my life was destroyed by a corrupt group of police officers and the way they abuse their authority and the trust they have been given.   

One major reason I have delayed writing in this book is the simple fact in order to defend myself I have to hurt so many people by writing down these facts.  It doesn’t seem like justice to me to have to point out what others have done to put me in this position when 99% of what they said was lies and fabrications built to protect their own reputations.  

You may not understand but it also important to know that Susan has a degree in counseling.  She had told me years before when we would argue about homosexuals being not normal that she did a paper in college on what men and animals will do when denied company with the opposite sex. For her or anyone to tell me she did not understand how it would impact me to deny sex to me for months at a time through out our marriage is simply unacceptable.  She may have been playing a high school girls game of trying to get me to submit to her will about my work hours but I believe it was calculated on her part due to her education.  I know almost every one in this country is familiar with the 10 commandments and the one in particular I am referring to that “Thou shall not commit adultery”  but for a few that are true Christians also know the part in the new testament when the apostle Paul wrote that a married man or woman should never deny their bodies to their mates.  He also writes that it is the perfect setting for Satan to come in and use that person for his evil ways.  Now of course I am a Christian and I don’t see that as a license to commit adultery, but when I did do that the last couple of years I was married I was not a Christian at the time and it explains to me why I was vulnerable to the situation since I was only able to have sex with Susan about 8 times a year.  I will never let that happen to me again now that I understand and have more knowledge and understanding. 

I am not sure what will ever become of me not only do I have nothing of value left I am 2,000 miles from my children and grandchildren that I love with all my heart and I know that they love me as well. They know me and know the absolute truth about me and saw me daily with them as well as their friends.  It hurts us all to be apart from each other and not able to see each other as often as we want to. There is in fact not a single man, woman or child I have ever known in any way that could or would say I ever did anything to hurt them or take advantage of them in a sexual way in any way.  I was trusted by everyone and never abused that trust in my life.   

My heart has been broken in so many pieces by the events in my life and my marriage to Susan.  I have learned that the courts and most of the law enforcement agencies in this nation have little regard for duty or honor and can not be trusted in any way.  Not only will they lie and cheat but they see no reason to even obey court orders when they know you can’t go to court to have them enforced. 

I may sound bitter and hopeless but many of you that know me know full well I still dedicate as much of my time as I am allowed to public safety.  I can’t work with the label I carry but I can volunteer my time and knowledge and I have done so on many occasions doing public speaking and education on how individuals can prepare themselves to survive a disaster http://www.jwdavissolutions.com/public_speaking.htm.  I also give of my time to help others in my church when they need my help to move or the help of my truck.  I have helped dozens of my friends the same way and I will always stop and help someone in need.  That I can not change and I don’t want to change that either. I still like the fact that people trust me to be there for them when they need me. 

This book is written out of respect to my friends and family to allow them to know not only what happened in 2000 but to assure them that what they know to be true about me is in fact the truth and their trust and love I will cherish for the rest of my life. 

I still pray every day of my life for this to end or for God to give me a better understanding of His will to allow this to continue.  My heart needs to be healed and I want nothing more out of this life than to be near my children and grandchildren the rest of my life.  My heart is broken every time my granddaughter calls me on the phone and wants me to come over and visit her and play with her.  Until you have been denied your children and grandchildren in your life you may never understand the pain in my heart or theirs when we can not be closer to each other.  I also pray that none of you will ever know that pain personally either. 

Please feel free to pass this along as you wish to friends and family members who would like to know the truth about me. The truth about me is all I have left to give.

When reading my book on line please take the time to look at more than just the chapters there is a lot of information in particular on the special links page.  I have done my best to provide documentation on the facts as they are written and many links will take you to these documents and the facts I have recorded.