Chapter Thirteen "Complete Destruction"

       I was walking with this woman and we had just turned the corner on the far end of a building when I was arrested.   We were dozens of yards from any door way, I only say this because from what I read in one of their reports they claim we were at the doorway of the apartment that they had rented about to go inside where the pretend girls were at. 

            Before I went to the meeting place I need to tell you I stopped at a drug store to pick up some prophylactics I had met two other women as I told you before in other chapters and I always wore a prophylactic when we had sex so I knew that if we were to have sex as she had said I would need some.  I also had picked up some toiletries bath oils and such to take home to my daughters. I had never gone on a trip with out bringing home some gifts for my girls and didn’t think that I would get a chance all weekend if I was going to be with this woman all weekend long to get anything for them.  I often got them bath oils and such because I knew they enjoyed them especially in the Jacuzzi that we had.   I mention this as well because in order to make me look worse the police wanted everyone to know I had bought them for their pretend children not the fact that I use to giving them to my own girls on a regular basis. 

            I was quickly frisked and taken to the San Diego Downtown County Jail.  I was arrested at 8:00 PM and was first taken to a holding cell and handcuffed to the bench.  I was alone for about an hour and my mouth had gotten so dry I could barely keep breathing any longer.  They had taken my shoes, my tie, my suspenders and all that I had on me.  It was very frightening at the time since I had never been in a place like that in my entire life or a position like I was in ever.   

            After about an hour and half a man came and got me and took me to an interrogation room.  He set a microphone in front of me and read me my rights and began to ask me all kinds of questions trying to make me think that this woman had changed her mind at the last minute and told the police I was coming to molest her children and not at her request.  I answered every question he asked me and did not let him change the way that it happened.  Then another man came in and said that they had just gotten into my lap top computer and saw my wall paper picture of President Clinton and I shaking hands and that he had also read my resume.  He asked me if I thought I was a spy or something because of the type of work I had listed and responsibilities I had listed.  I told him that was none of his business and had nothing to do with anything going on here tonight and it would be in his best interest to not push the issue of my government responsibilities further.  His response was by the time we get through with you, you will not be hiding a thing from us just wait and see.  Then he went on to tell me that he was one of the people that I had been chatting with the last few months and that he had pretended to be both the 36 year old woman several times and the 15 year old daughter as well.  

            The more I answered the integrator’s questions with the truth the more frustrated he got and began to make things up. At that point I had regained enough of my senses from the trauma I had been through so far to state I wanted a lawyer.  As you may imagine later when it came to transcribing the recorded interrogation the answers they did not like they recorded as inaudible.  

            Forget what ever you believed about “free” phone calls I was never given the opportunity to make any phone call what so ever much less a free one even once for the next 60 days.   After I said I wanted a lawyer I was taken back to the holding cell and handcuffed again to the bench.   After about another hour two uniformed officers came and took me out to a car and down to another building and the booking area of the main jail downtown.  When we got out of the car and was walking towards the door one of them asked what in the hell was I doing there, “you don’t seem to belong here at all”.   

            I was quickly placed in a larger room still wearing what they had left of me and my suit.  There were about 4 other men in there with me at the time and in the next hour that quickly grew to about a dozen men.  These men were accused of many things from drugs to murder.  There was one they brought in claiming he was wanted back east for murder and there was no way he was going to let him have him with out killing one of the cops first.  Needless to say I was very scared while I was in there and by no means wanted to talk to anyone in there I pretended to sleep while I was there and ignored any attempt to engage me in conversation.   I think I was in that room for a couple of hours and while there I did see a phone on the wall and it stated collect calls only.  There was no way I could get on that phone and call anyone it was very late and early in the morning and I didn’t want anyone in that room to hear a word I had to say. 

            The police that had done the questioning had led me to believe that they had all ready sent the county sheriff in Idaho out to my home and I had no clue what I would tell Susan at this point because I never thought she’d believe me or care at all anyway.  That was the last telephone I saw until late the following Monday afternoon after I had been taken from the Downtown Jail out to the George Bailey County Jail near the Mexican border. 

            It seems like it was hours as the booking continued to go through the steps of finger printing, photos, searches at every station and finally the body search and giving up my clothes to put on a blue jail uniform.  The jail is a very cold place I would have to say that the temperature was never over 65 degrees and normally between 60 -65 every place they took me for the next 60 days. 

            Some time around 3 the next morning I finally went to a window where they gave me a charge sheet with some 22 charges on it and told me that my bail had been set at $550,000 dollars.  What an impossible amount of money to come up with there was no way in the world that I could ever raise the type of money required to get bail not even the 10% that would have been required by any bail bondsman.   I went from one holding cell to another all night long until after the booking I only went to maybe 3 more until I was isolated from the rest of the prisoners.  A cop had read my charges and set me down and put a yellow wrist band on me with a prisoner number on it.  He cautioned me that he was putting me into protective custody and not to tell anyone what I had been charged with or the other prisoners would do their best to kill me at any chance they got.  He then locked me in a holding cell alone for several more hours.   

            By this time I was now extremely frightened, cold and very hungry my last meal had been lunch the day before and it was now around 11:00 AM on Saturday morning.  I got a chance to look at a clock each time they took me from one cell to the next.  About two o’clock on Saturday afternoon they took me to a cell by myself in a cell block with other prisoners.  Everyone was locked down and I was completely alone in the cell I had.   

About 4 that Saturday afternoon they brought me something to eat.  I was so hungry but yet so upset all I could do was eat some of the canned fruit that they had brought and drink the carton of milk.  I had not had any of my nighttime medication the night before or any of my morning medication either.  Remember I had high blood pressure and a very serious stomach acid problem that by this time I had been on daily medication for over 10 years now.  I didn’t dare get flair up by eating anything with out my medication at hand.  The day before I left Idaho I had picked up a 90 day supply of all my medications from my PO Box provided by the Veteran’s Administration hospital in Spokane, WA.  I had brought all that medication with me to California but I was to never see it again along with 95% of my property that they took from me the night I was arrested.  All I got back when I left the jail 60 days later was the clothes I had been wearing the night I was arrested.   

            I spent the next 24 hours alone in that cell they let me out once that Sunday for 30 minutes and told me to take a shower.  I did take a shower the best I could with the issued shampoo and little bar of soap I was given.  I had not brushed my teeth now since Friday morning and was wondering if I would ever get to brush them again.  My cell had only two beds in it and a small steel table along with a combination steel toilet and was basin.   I was sick emotionally, mentally and physically and did my best to sleep the whole time I was in that cell.  I would force my self to sleep and not think of what was going on the best I could.  I would sing to myself the old song of 100 bottles of beer on the wall but that was going by too fast and would go to 1000 bottles of beer on the wall and then finally to 10,0000 bottles of beer on the wall just to be able to bore myself in to a coma.    In my mind my life was over and from the treatment I was getting I was convinced I was either going to be executed at any moment or at the very least spend the rest of my life in jail not knowing if that would be a day or 40 more years.   

            By late Sunday after noon they put another man in my cell with me I ignored him all night long and we both slept until they brought us breakfast the next morning.  Breakfast in the San Diego Jail system is served at 4:00 AM, lunch at 10:00 AM and supper at 4:00 PM.  The food they serve 90% of it I would not give to a stray starving dog.  I am sure that makes many people that have never been to jail very happy to know that the quality of food served there is so bad and the prisoners are not well fed by any means.  Just try to keep in mind and old saying about our country however, the one that goes something like this, “A man is presumed innocent until proven guilty” I know now that is false hood.  A man once in jail now anywhere in our country is presumed guilty once he is accused. It is up to him, his lawyer and how deep his own pockets are to prove he is innocent.  Accused men and convicted men in the county jail are treated equally there is only one distinction allowed at all. That is when it required to do work they can’t make an accused man work they can only make a man that has been convicted do work. 

            Finally on Monday afternoon around 2 o’clock I was taken from my cell along with the man that had been with me since the day before.  We were taken by bus to the George Bailey Jail.  I was to be held there now for the next 58 days.  I was given a very thin (1/4”) foam mattress; two very old very thin blankets, and two sheets, no pillow.  They placed me in a big open day room area of one of the cell blocks for all who were in protective custody.  I was escorted to the door and inside I went and stood there feeling more alone than I had ever felt in my life.  Up until this time I had no contact with the outside world at all and maybe one other prisoner.  I never felt more out of place in my life as I looked around the room where more than 50 men were seated at the tables or walking around the area.  As I stood there 3 men came walking towards me to introduce themselves.  They were all carrying Bibles which gave me a big comfort as they began to talk to me. 

They walked me over to a table where we sat and talked for maybe an hour before

I was assigned a cell with a man that had been convicted of molesting one of his daughters.  I say convicted but he agreed to a plea bargain.   The bed was made of nothing but cold steel; the ¼” mattress offered no cushion from the hardness only insulation from the cold steel.   I learned quickly from the man I shared a cell with to use one of the blankets as a pillow and to cover up with a sheet and the other blanket. 

            For the first time now since I was arrested I was with someone that I could talk with.  It had been nearly 3 days since I talked with anyone about anything.  Dinner was served at 4:00PM and we were allowed out of our cells and into a common area they all called the day room for about 30 minutes for each meal. There were steel tables there and very small steel stools all mounted to the concrete floors enough to seat 60 men.  I was told there was a protocol to follow in order not to get into trouble.  Once a man had a seat for meals that was his seat and no one could take it from him with out a fight.  You were never to set a table you were no invited to or again you would be beaten for assuming you were welcome.  I guess I was lucky and I was invited by my cell mate to sit at his table there was an empty seat there and warned to not give up the seat now that it was mine and never to sit anywhere else unless invited by the other 3 men at the new table.    

            The men at the table and for that matter in the whole cell block all accused of some sort of sex crime, 99% of them for something done to children, in other words the worst of the worst. We were all held in protective custody because if anyone from the general population were to get a hold of us we would most likely be killed.   It was not a very pretty or encouraging situation and certainly I did not look forward to spending the rest of my life like this in any way shape or form.  In spite of the fact that I still had not been given any medication now since the last Friday morning I was at my hotel room I had to eat something.  It also happened to be the only time since I was arrested I really did have an appetite at all as well.  I ate and I remember the main course being beans and franks.  I did eat everything that night. 

            After each meal we are all sent back to our cells for an hour or two more of lock down.  Sometime between 6:00 PM and 7:00 PM I learned we were all let out until lights out at 10:00 PM to watch TV and talk with the other men in the day room area.   During this first open time I had I was approached by the same 3 men as when I first arrived.  We talked for maybe an hour or so and  they also convinced me to call my wife when I had told them I had not had a chance to tell anyone on the outside what had happened to me and I had been completely out of touch since last Friday night before I was arrested.  I was very scared to call Susan I was sure she could care less about my situation and was also sure that the police had all ready given her their side of story late Friday night shortly after I was arrested.  When I called her I found out that she and my whole family knew nothing and they were all very scared for me.  I was supposed to see my brother on Sunday and not only did I not show up but no one had heard from me since Friday night.    Keep in mind from this point on there are never allowed private phone calls from jail, every call is not only monitored it is also recorded.  They say they can’t use the information they gain from the phone calls against you but please try to think like an adult here.  They may not be able to legally use anything you say to your lawyer but they can use every thing they hear to their advantage and they do just that. 

            When I got a hold of Susan I told her where I was at but didn’t dare tell her what I was accused of.  I didn’t want the police to use my conversation with her in any way as a confession or to mix the words to make them say wanted they wanted them to and I also didn’t want her to disown me either.   Deep down I had known for a long time that Susan had either fallen out of love with me or never really loved me at all and I needed her now more than ever to believe me once I could be alone with her and tell her the whole story about what had happened.  As my luck would have it never once since I was arrested in March of 2000 have I ever had the opportunity at all to be alone with Susan and tell her my side of the story.  Susan did surprise me that night when she told me she didn’t care what I was accused of she knew me too well to ever think I could commit any kind of crime and she didn’t care if we lost everything and we ended up in a cardboard box as long as we were together when it was over.  She said we started out with nothing between us and she would rather have me with her than anything else in the world.  Needless to say for the first time now in 72 hours I had a little confidence that I and my marriage could survive this ordeal.   Little did I understand at the time however how the police would use that conversation to their advantage.  You see the very next day the sheriff’s office went to my home and let Susan read their version of the evidence.  I say their version because they had all ready edited it enough by this time to make me look like a monster.  I also found out over the course of the next 8 weeks that is exactly what they do to everyone.  In California even I was told by the wife’s of some of the other accused men that they were given divorce papers all ready filled out and pressured continuously to file while the spouse is in jail as the best time ever to ensure a divorce is approved by the courts.  I also had to come to understand that is standard operating procedure for the police to alienate all support for the accused and to use every thing they can to turn any support a man may have into hate for the accused.  Its simple mind warfare and simple divide and concur and to take away not only every means to resist but all a man’s will to resist and fight for his freedom.  It may sound evil and not what you want to believe about our system of justice but it is the plain cold facts, there is no justice any more it is all about winning or loosing it’s that simple.  The police and the DA’s out there could care less if a man or woman is innocent they only want a conviction that is all their budgets, manpower, promotions, and jobs depend on. 

            I may have talked to Susan that night for 30 minutes and asked her to contact the lawyers that worked for the company I was working for in Idaho and ask for a recommendation for a lawyer in California.  I had never needed a criminal lawyer before and had no idea how to find one either.  Its not like they give you any help when you are in jail at finding a lawyer its up to what ever support channels you have on the outside to help you and that’s all there is to it, another reason why the police spend so much time trying to destroy any and all support you may have on the outside.  The more they isolate you to their jail the better their chance of breaking you down in to a deal and or a false confession.   No man is an island and every man has a breaking point, the longer they can work on you the better their chance of a conviction.   There is not one single law enforcement agency in this country that receives its budget based on the number of people they can prove to be innocent and as a result that business management process of justice has turned the system corrupt as a result.  I certainly don’t mean to try and tell you that every man or woman that is arrested and or convicted is innocent.  I want to believe that most are but the experience I have had in the past 7 years convinces me that at least 20% if not 30% of our prisons are populated by innocent people put there for the simple reason of boosting some police departments budget, a prison budget, or to further a political career of some DA.  

I also had a chance to speak with a Chaplin that was walking around the cell blocks that night.  We talked between the bars of our cell block for what I later found out was nearly two hours.  He was sorry after what I had told him had happened to me.  He gave me a copy of a bible I could keep and I still have that bible here with me to this day by my bed. 

It was nearly impossible to sleep the whole time I was at George Bailey.  The bed was so hard that I could only sleep maybe 15 minutes at a time before having to roll over and try to find another position.  My body and my butt hurt the whole time I was there since there was nothing at all to sit on other than the round cold steel seats in the day room or hard and very narrow benches as we were place in holding areas during moves.  It was also a very noisy place as the guards walked their rounds all day and night they slammed doors as hard as they could and made as much noise as possible during their rounds.  At times during the night one guard would get on the PA and shout for us to wake up over and over again all night long stating we were in jail not some plush hotel and didn’t deserve to sleep.    

On Tuesday morning I was taken by bus to the downtown jail and waited all day for a hearing that never happened.  I was then transported back to George Bailey for the night.  I talked to Susan and she had made contact with the lawyer that represented the company I was working for at the time and he made a recommendation for a lawyer and I asked Susan to contact him for me.  It was then I found out that she had read the false information that was given to her by Deputy Sheriff Burke as he tore my house apart and took anything thing he wanted with him.   Her whole attitude towards me was as different as night and day after that visit.  Like most things Susan never wanted to hear me talk or tell her anything she always preferred someone else’s opinion over mine. 

On Wednesday I was again taken downtown at 5 AM and waited all day until about 3:30 PM until I finally met with a couple of lawyers.  The first one was one that just happened to know I had not choose a lawyer yet and I was about to be taken in front of a judge for the first time.  I had no idea what to expect from the police and since I had never heard of this lawyer I waited until the second one came by and he was the one that my friend in Idaho had recommended to me.  I went with him but that may have been the biggest mistake of the whole ordeal. 

We got to talk maybe 5 minutes in a cell where I was handcuffed to the bench before we went into the court room.  As you can imagine I looked like hell since I had now lost 25 lbs since the Friday before and was still wearing the same clothes that were given to me that same Friday night.    

The DA started to speak to the judge and the court and the first words out of his mouth were lies and misrepresentations he painted me as a loner with no connections to San Diego and no family and the only reason I came from Idaho to San Diego was to abuse their children.  He went on to paint me as like most military that were stationed in San Diego as someone who was only there to cause trouble.  Of course my lawyer had nothing to say since he was only just given a stack of some 2,000 papers they said were emails and chat transcripts I had with the woman (police).   My bail was held at $550,000.  I was very discouraged now since the DA openly lied about my connections with San Diego.  The fact is I have over 200 relatives there and had been going there since 1959 when I was 3 years old to visit with my family there.  I had three very favorite aunts living there and many cousins and more.   

On the ride to downtown the past two days I was riding in a San Diego County Sheriff’s jail bus and was able to listen to the radio.  It was always tuned to a station with the news on and I got to hear the same story about me over and over and how I was making my appearance in court those days.  They simply parroted the DA’s story every time I went to court.  I also found out I was on the local and many nation wide TV news casts.  When I returned to George Bailey that night many of the men told me what they saw and heard about me on the news that day.  All the news organizations from day one simply parroted the story the DA was trying to paint about me. 

The night I got back from the hearing I talked to Susan and her parents for the first time.  All of them now were only concerned in how I was going to take care of my family money wise since I was so far away and obviously no source of income other than my military retirement which only represented about 1/5^th of the total income I provided to the family.  I instructed Susan to contact the lawyer and the company I was working for I had 4 years worth of stock options I could cash in at the time.  I also talked to my lawyer and asked him to draw up a power of attorney for Susan so she could gain the paperwork and cash the stock in to live on and for my defense.  I explained to her it was going to cost a lot of money to put up any kind of defense based on the charges and what the DA was all ready doing.  I was told that the company I was working for would put of $6,000 of the $15,000 my lawyer wanted as a retainer and the rest she would get from her parents until she could cash in the stock options. 

From my past 4 years experience with the company I knew that the annual report was due out by the end of March first of April and I asked Susan to wait a couple of weeks because I knew that the stock from history would go up quite a bit right after the release.  However Susan being the way she was wasted no time in cashing in the stock and as a result if she had only waited another 6 days we lost some $70,000 to which she only said it wasn’t real money anyway since we never really had it.  She had gotten some money from her parents to pay the remaining $9,000 of the lawyer’s retainer with.  It took her of course a couple of weeks to get it to him since she was never in a hurry about anything in her life.  I found out later she never paid her parents back and to this day (April 2007) has convinced not only every one else in the world but believes it her self that her parents money was all that kept me out of prison.   

She got somewhere near $44,000 from the stock and went right out and bought her self a car and a house full of new furniture.  She told me that there was plenty of money and this would all work out in the long run anyway.  She was used to nearly $6,000 a month coming in from my income and that money was suppose to see her and the kids through this time and she was also supposed to pay some to the IRS for taxes which she never did. 

I tried to call her and the kids every night but only got to talk with Susan about half the times. My daughters would answer and tell me she was in town drinking with her friends.  Knowing Susan as I did I was sure she was also paying the bar bills for everyone she was out with since to her that $44,000 represented and infinite amount of money to her.   

From the day Detective Burke let her read his file on me she never told me she loved me again.   I am sure that not only the sheriff’s office was working on her, but her friends as well as many lawyers were working on her from day one to divorce me and take as much as she could.   

That whole first week I was in Jail I was denied any medication except some over the counter antacids I was able to get from some of the other prisoners to ease the pain of the reflux.   I had just picked up a 90 day supply of all my medications the day before I came to California sent to me by the VA in Spokane but I was never to see that medication again along with a brand new pair of glasses that came in that same day.   It seems that everything that was taken from me in San Diego became the property of the officers that arrested me as spoils of war.  In the Army we called that pillaging and it was a court martial offense.  I have learned it is so common for evidence and personal property to disappear in the hands of the police that most just have gone ahead and accepted the practice as income for the poor under paid police and don’t even try to do anything about it any longer.    

I don’t remember the exact times of everything that occurred in the next 8 weeks I was in jail.  I do remember it was shortly after I went to court like with in a week that I was visited by a representative of a company that was hired by my lawyer to gather statements in my behalf and to write a narrative about me to present to the courts and probation.  They were the same ones that would later coach me and instruct me on how to sound guilty and sorry once a plea bargain was agreed to.  They came to George Bailey and we talked for maybe an hour or hour and a half. 

Also during the first two weeks I was visited by a physiatrist hired by my lawyer that was often used by the State of California as an expert witness for the state in sex crimes.  She gave me a battery of tests and questioned me for maybe two hours.  She recommended that I be seen by a specialist in sex crimes a psychologist that was also the state’s expert witness in many sex crimes involving children.   

I may have been there now nearly 4 weeks and I had no clue what all I was up against all I knew still was what I was able to read in the news papers and I was facing 22 years to life in prison now.  Other than that all I knew was during one of the hearings was the judge saying something to the effect that she hoped it could be worked out with out going to trial. 

When it came time to visit the psychologist I was told it would take 6 hours and I was escorted by two deputies in leg irons and my hands were handcuffed to my waist.  The office I was taken to was on the north end of San Diego and I was in my jail uniform and walked indoors in this very public strip mall in the leg irons and still hand cuffed to a waist belt the whole time I was there.  I was given a series of different tests that are known to be and accepted to be the best identifiers of pedophiles known.  Of course from the oral and written tests and evaluations both experts painted me as not a pedophile by any description of the word and stated I was a very normal adult male.   Now of course none of this was ever mentioned in court either by the DA or my lawyer and never once printed in the newspapers either.  None of that would have looked good for the DA’s case at all.  

The physiatrist had written in her report that I was a very normal person with the exception of I didn’t know how or when to defend myself even when it was appropriate to do so.  You can bet that was a big shot in the arm for the DA now.  She was right I had to defend others and to fight for my men and their lives in the Army but between them and my senior officers anytime I needed help it was simply automatic and they were always there for me.  I never once had to defend myself alone.  However this time it was not the case.  Between my lawyer, the San Diego DA, and the Bonner County Sheriff’s office they had succeeded in isolating me from my family and friends.  I had let my lawyer talk me and talk Susan into not letting her come down to be here for me since what the press and the police were all ready doing to my family would only get 100 times worse if they saw them here and had easier access to them.  By know of course both my daughters had dropped out of High School because of the pressure put on them by the teachers, counselors, the press, and the police to say something against me.  My son had been arrested and charged with assault it was a false charge entered by the sheriff’s office because they did not like what he had to say about me and they were determined to change his mind as well as the minds of my daughters.   People have no idea the lengths to which the police are allowed to go in getting favorable witnesses for the defense not to talk.  If I had have a victim and tried the same things they do as standard operating procedures to those people you can bet another 20 years would have been added to any sentence I would have received.  However there seems to be no law in the land that protects witnesses for the defense from the police especially if you don’t have enough money.  They were free to torture, abuse and rape their minds in any way they wanted.  In every sense they used my arrest to expose my 14 year old daughter to every thing they wanted me to do their imaginary daughters.   To me that is hiding behind the colors of justice and their badges to commit real crimes against children and to our constitution as well.  They are feel to steal and keep anything they want during a search as well and it is simply accepted as payment for services rendered.  I’d bet if a surprise search was made of their offices and homes you’d find many little souvenirs from me around especially many of my White House items.  However that would have to be a surprise search conducted by an organization interested in true justice.  The fact is if they had spend just 1/100^th of the time doing a real investigation instead of trying to proof me guilty this whole thing would have been over for my family and I with in the first week. 

My lawyer never did a single thing actually to help me in presenting a different picture of my contacts with San Diego or family support.  Every time we went to court I asked if I could please get a hair cut and dress in the suit and tie I was arrested in but not him he wanted me to look the part of a pervert and support the DA’s case.  By the 8^th week there with out a haircut, beard trim and wearing the same clothes for a week at a time I looked very bit the part of a homeless mountain pervert.   

By end of the 5^th week my lawyer told me that the DA was offering a plea bargain of 5 years probation and release from jail on my own recognizance.  As it turned out I found out about a year later from my lawyer the DA had been offering that same deal since the first day in court.  However my lawyer who sat on the board of child protective agencies in San Diego simply wanted me to pay for this and not let San Diego turn out to be the bad guys here. 

Many times I tried to explain to my lawyer in phone conversations we’d have that it was compromising national security for him to allow the DA to continue to tell the press and the public my responsibilities as he saw them while I was assigned to the White House.  He actually had no idea but his continual public speculation was getting closer and closer to facts.  I was surprised that not once did I ever hear from the military at all.  You see when I traveled in many positions I had the last 6 years I was in the Army I traveled with a cover story so no one would suspect I was in the process of either inspecting or in the construction of Presidential relocation sites for events such as 9-11 or worse.  In fact few ever knew I was from the White House at all or any clue what I was doing there at all, but with my face and name all over the news it would not be hard for anyone to figure out the purpose of my visits to their buildings, cities and airports.  I tried to explain that to my lawyer but he insisted that by law nothing was classified beyond 5 years and I was making it all up.  Keep in mind that all our conversations were recorded by the police and given to the DA as well.  They in theory can’t use anything you say to your lawyer against you but you can bet your last dollar they were using that information to pressure me into a deal.  They had told me from the first they though I was a spy and would break me no matter how long it took them, they knew I was hiding something and regardless of what I said, all the evidence they could dig up, all that my friends and family were saying about me, and the reports from the experts they would do what ever it took to make me plead guilty and proof I was a sex offender of the worst kind.  They would use my children by torturing them and risk national security as well.  In case you don’t think they understood that the DA assigned to my case was a reserve Naval Commander and as an officer was fully aware of classifications and the harm of certain information being made public.  My level of information was the same as the Presidents for 4 years and during my career I had access to many highly classified code word top secret projects including a lot of raw intelligence information.  The fact is the DA would do anything to get a conviction regardless of the law and national security. 

The police still to this day have in their possession all my emails from the White House and the time I was at the US Treasury.   I had kept a copy of every single receipt, hotel, airplane, restaurant, and gas I had ever done since 1975.   You see I had to send in a travel report with receipts for every trip I ever took in order to be reimbursed for my travel.  I also kept a yearly calendar of my trips as well. They had rock solid evidence of my locations and times I was there and how I got there for some 25 years of my life including all my civilian travel since I had gotten out of the Army.  They had my finger prints and DNA and with all that information and still could not link me with any crime what so ever in any city, state, or country I had ever been in. 

Through out my life I was trusted by every single man, woman and child who I had ever had contact with.  Many women came to me for help when there was trouble at home they knew they could trust me to help and never take advantage of them in anyway shape or form.  The police hated finding out that as fact all they had was the false information they had on me for this one case they created and made to look the way it looked. 

I say that because many times during the time I was in jail I would tell my lawyer they had edited the emails and chats I had with them not all the things I said were in print and some of the things in print were not as I said them.  He refused to believe that saying that if they had done that they sure left a lot of damaging information in what he read anyway.  I tried to tell him and explain that they only had a matter of days before they had to present the information to him and the court.  They did have from the Friday night they arrested me to very late Wednesday to do what they could.  If he could only get to court to order a copy of the information in a digital format it would be easy to proof that the printed documents they were using against me had been edited and exactly what time and date they were edited.  I tried to get him to get my computers they seized independently examined to proof the same things but again he refused.  By the second year into this mess I came to understand my lawyer never once wanted to help me in anyway. 

Now if any of this kind of lawlessness performed by the police and the DA’s office had been committed by anyone of us normal people you can again bet your last dollar that every one involved from day one would be charged with conspiracy and accessories after the fact.  They should be charged with perjury, false imprisonment, espionage, attempting to coerce a federal officer in to exposing Top Secret information, and so many other crimes that were committed all under the cover of justice. 

            My lawyer explained the plea bargain and I accepted it because he told me it would cost me $250,000 in legal fees to prove I was innocent and he promised me that the DA would keep me in jail during the whole trial process and it would cost me another two years in jail as well as the $250,000.   I didn’t have that kind of money at all even if I sold every thing we owned I could never raise that kind of money.  I was stuck and there was no way at all out of jail, or to keep them from continuing to torture my children other than to agree.   

            Justice you see is not based on anything other than saving face for the DA and your ability to afford it and that is the bottom line.  Anything else is Hollywood’s version of the courts today not reality. 

            They all agreed they would drop 9 of the 10 charges still against me but keep in place the very worst charge.  That charge was attempted lewd act with a child.  Now of course since the make believe children were supposed to be ages 12 and 15 they kept the charge against the pretend 12 year old.  I tried very hard to fight that with saying that the only contact I had at all with either of the pretend children had been the 15 year old that was no good for the DA.  As I found out many years later that is the one thing that keeps my name and address posted on the Internet in California for life was the age of the pretend victim.   It was the only way for them to ensure complete life time punishment for me is if I could be convicted of this one crime the rest could have been exempted from posting to the internet and even could have given me a chance to get it all removed by now. 

            I can only hope that regardless on how you feel about me that you could never approve of the police actions against my children and the stealing of our property.  Regardless of my actual life, regardless of the states expert opinions of me, regardless of what everyone who ever knew me before or since and every thing factually in written documentation as well as the two special background checks including my life style that went as far back as to when I was 15 years old conducted by the military, the FBI and the United States Secret Service people choose to believe a hand full of vice squad officers from San Diego simply because it is more popular to believe their lies than the truth.  In this day and age to be charged with any kind of sex crime against a child is the same as being accused of witchcraft in the 1600’s you are guilty no questions asked no defense is real.  Even after 4 lie detector tests and all the rest it is so hard for me to accept that the nation would accept the lies of a hand full of vice squad officers over the statements of hundreds of others who knew me and dozens of federal officers that investigated every aspect of my life for 20 years as well as the lie detectors. 

            One more thing you could bet on is if I had ever failed a lie detector test you would have read about that in every newspaper across the nation but since I passed every one I was forced to take the information about the results was kept secret from the public. 

I’d ask before you agree to accept this outcome to think a little about the fact that if it could happen to me with the life that I led and can be proven what could happen to any of you if they so choose to accuse you. 

            There was never going to be help from Susan even if she knew deep down that I was innocent, she blamed me for the torture the children had to endure until I agreed to plead guilty.  She never accepted that the police were wrong and stood for me, as she stated it was simply too much drama for her and the bottom line gave her the perfect out of our marriage to play the life she wanted all along. 

            To those of you thinking you may be reading a novel I do apologize I am simply trying to put down my life’s experience and as such things come to memory that are not exactly in the order in which they occurred.  I am trying to ensure however that each chapter is about a particular period in my life and this chapter will cover a period from my arrest on 24 March 2000 until I was sentenced on 1 August 2000.   I will remind you that I spend from 24 March 2000 until 24 May 2000 in the San Diego County Jail until I agreed to sign the plea bargain.  Once I agreed to that I was released on my own recognizance.   

            Going back to around the first couple of weeks in jail remember I was denied any of my medications for the first full week and had lost 25 lbs during the first week.  The fellow I shared a cell with had been accused of molesting his 16 year old daughter.  She had said that in the middle of the night he came to her bed and rubbed him self on her bare bottom until he came all over it.   The police were called and he was arrested.  He agreed to a plea bargain that gave him a county year in jail in California that meant 6 months in the county jail and no prison along with probation of some time.  His side of the story was his daughter was dating a 25 daughter was dating a 25 year old man and he had been against it from the start.  She was spending the weekend with him he got up around 3 AM and found this guy in bed with his daughter and chased him off and out of the house.  She was so mad along with her mother they decided to tell the police that dad had been the one that had cum on her.  To make a long story short they arrested the father (my cell mate) and since he was a Navy E-6 he didn’t have money for an attorney and went with some one less than the best.  He was convinced to sign a plea bargain or face thousands of dollars in legal fees along with the possibility of 20 years in prison.  The DNA tests had not come back yet and no one was really interested in those results either they were more interested in moving on to the next case at minimum expense.  I have to tell you the DNA results did come back after I had been there a couple of weeks he had been there now for right at 6 months.  He went to court for his final hearing before he was to be released and brought up the DNA test results that said the DNA in the sample they took from his daughter was not his.  I have to tell you that between the judge and the DA they were so mad about him going back on his plea bargain that they gave him another 4 months in jail for him to think about it all including the costs.  They told him they would come up with witnesses that would confirm it was him and drag it out as long as it took.   

            For those of you that believe in a system of justice that goes with DNA as the absolute proof don’t be fooled here.  The DNA only counts with the DA if it goes their way if it goes for the defense then they fight tooth and nail to not have one taken or if taken to have the results hidden and not released.  Going back on a plea bargain is a major problem for the DA especially if you have DNA evidence that proves you are innocent.   

            This is California remember the only requirement for the police to use deadly force against anyone is a simple statement from the officer that he or she feared for their own life.  That is all that is required for them to say to legally kill someone.  After all who argues with a person on what causes them to fear for their life.  The prisons in this country have thousands of people that had been beaten and could easily prove that their life had been in the balance from an abusive husband or someone else, but they are not offered the same defense as a police officer of simply stating “I had fear for my life”.  Ordinary people have to be killed first to be able to prove a threat. 

            I was telling you before about the phone calls and there certainly was never a free phone call for me or a telephone even offered to me until I had been locked up for 72 hours.   Telephone calls from jail and prison is a monopoly it cost anywhere from $3.00 to $5.00 per connection and up to $4.00 a minute for you to make a collect phone call.  The FCC had outlawed monopolies and requires freedom of access to the phone company of choice by access number everywhere but jail and prison.  They (the system) do everything in their power to isolate you from the outside world by depleting your resources at every turn.  Imagine a 20 minute phone call at the cost of nearly $50.00 that goes to the person the inmate is calling.  Do you honestly think that is fair to the person receiving the call because they know a friend or relative that is in jail? 

            We had a commissary of sorts where you were allowed to buy some toiletries and junk food.  My brother put $50.00 a week into my account so I would not have to eat the food that was served in jail exclusively and so I could buy some tennis shoes instead of always wearing just the Ho Chi Mien slippers that were jail issue.  I have to tell you that too was a major racket for the contractor.  You would order you supplies on a Sunday and they were delivered on Thursdays.  The items were purchased from a 99 cent store and marked up 400 -500 %.  Nothing you were allowed was brand name.  I got the worse case of dandruff while in jail and the dandruff shampoo I was able to purchase was a joke.  At least I had money in my account many had nothing and would do things like haircuts with fingernail clippers or clean your cell for a little food or candy.   We did have a hot water machine in the cell block for the cup of noodles and decaffeinated coffee you were allowed to buy.  However the machine in my cell block broke down the first week I was there so I never could enjoy a cup of that coffee or the cup of noodles.  Decaffeinated coffee is bad enough tasting but luke warm along with luke warm cup of noodles just didn’t cut it for me.  I did buy a deck of cards every other week to play solitaire with or games with the other men when we were all in the day room together. 

            The point I am trying to convey and may be missing the mark because I am not a professional writher is that the police and the DA do everything as if they were trained by the North Koreans or North Vietnamese to mentally break you down.  I have to tell you after 8 weeks being locked up with some of the most violent and sexually perverted men on earth and exposed to every type of hepatitis known to man  along with the treatment they were putting my children through I was ready to confess that I personally was the master mind behind the JFK murder.   

            For a man that had never done anything wrong in my life and the first and I pray the only experience I will ever have in jail I was ready to sign and do anything just to get out of there and not look forward to 22 years to life behind the bars.  If the threat to national security, my children’s safety and freedom was not enough for them I was being threatened that the state of Idaho and the federal government would be waiting to press charges against me even if I was found innocent in California.   Again the real point is if you don’t have millions of dollars you are simply guilty the side with the most money wins period. 

            For Pete’s sake even the bail system is against you here.  The state of California had passed a law that once actually would have allowed a normal person to post his or her own bail.  It allowed you to sign over the mortgage to your home as a promise to return for court dates and sentence if issued.  However the bail bonds men of this state hired a lobbyist in their favor because a lot of business had been lost.  As a result the state passed another amendment to that law that required you have 200% in equity in your home to the amount of your bail in order to use your mortgage as a bail instrument.  To make matters worse if you were married both parties had to have 200% each in the equity of the loan compared to the bail in order to use it.  That effectively forced average people back to the bail bonds men.  In case you didn’t know it you are required to post 10% of the amount with them that is not refundable regardless of the trial or court outcome.  For me that meant over $50,000 I would have had to forfeit to get out on bail unless I simply agreed to plead guilty.  Once I agreed I was deemed no longer a threat and was allowed to walk out for “free” and had to only report for hearings and probation appointments.   

            During the first 3 weeks in jail I read the entire Bible from cover to cover.  I don’t pretend even for a second that I understood more than maybe 10% of what I read but I needed to read it for my own peace of mind and I felt God allowed me to be where I was to get my attention.  To say the least He had my undivided attention for the first time in my life. 

            The night I was released my uncle that lived in San Diego came to pick me up.  I had gone to court at about 9AM that day and was ordered released by 9:30 AM however the jail held me until nearly 11:00 PM that night because they could.   What could I do anyway?  Again keep in mind murder for the police here of inmates is a hobby not a crime.  You speak out of turn and you are liable to be shot.  The fact is you have two choices you do everything their way or take a very long dirt nap. 

            I was given only the clothes I had on the night of my arrest along with my wedding ring and billfold.  There was like $20.00 in side and that was it.  I never saw my suitcase or lap top computer again even though the judge had ordered all my property released to me since there was no evidence of a crime in any of it.  One other thing that was never mentioned during the whole process was my lap top computer other than the a few ghost images of nude children that were found on it.  I had only had the computer for about 4 weeks and those image dates were dated long before I came in to possession of the computer.  The computer had the most up to date national 911 address system available on it.  The reason is I was working with a company from Canada that ironic as it may sound to some we were working on development of a GPS tracking system for children that would work with any cell phone system in Canada or the United States.  The reason was to develop a device small enough for children to wear or carry that in case they were missing or kidnapped the police or parents could instantly locate them to with 10 feet of their exact location.  That was in keeping with the reality of my life from the day I was born and no way in the world did the DA or the police want anyone to know exactly how I treated children.  I could have called over a 100 kids to be witnesses for me but after the way I saw what they were doing to my own children how on earth could I subject any other children to the police even to give me my freedom? 

            The police that took my belongings the night I was arrested as it turned out never turned a thing over to the evidence room.  They had kept it all for themselves.  The day I was released and it was ordered returned the DA told my lawyer that they were looking for it the officer that was in charge was on vacation and no one knew where exactly she had put my things but promised he get it all back to me as soon as possible.   

            With in the week I got a call from San Diego that they had located my property and I could pick it up the next day.  I had been staying with my brother in Los Angeles as part of my release agreement so I rented a car and drove down to San Diego to pick up my property.  I had a new pair of glasses and all my medications in there along with the computer and many other personal items such as an ink pen given to me by President Bush and my Presidential Service Badge lapel pin.  There was cash in the check book I carried in my computer case along with all my keys.  When I arrived at the desk to claim my property the woman called to the back office and I over heard her talking to the other person on the phone something about how am I suppose to tell him that he is standing right here.  Well the fact is she hung up and told me that all my property had been destroyed on May 24^th at midnight since it had been held for 60 days and no one claimed it.  I had been after my lawyer since the first day we talked to find it I had heard stories while in jail that you should never expect any of your property back and all he’d tell me was those were lies from the inmates I would get all my property back.  The bottom line is they took it and used what ever they wanted to use and did what ever they wanted with the rest.  When I talked to my lawyer about filing a claim he told me point blank not to make waves or do anything to piss of the DA or the Judge after all you have been through John don’t you understand the system yet?  I did nothing about it. 

            The first day I was at my brothers I had called the VA in Spokane for a refill of all my medications and asked Susan to send what I had at home along with some clothes to wear.  All I had was the suit I had on the night I was arrested and no money of any kind.   Susan being Susan took 3 weeks before she mailed anything to me that was not only a combination of believing the police it was just her normal way if it didn’t benefit her or present some fun to her it was the last thing she was going to do.   

            The first day out I was on the computer looking for work.  I was putting out 10 -15 resumes a week and got my first interview for a job with in the week.  I was hired the 3^rd week out. It wasn’t so hard since I had no conviction I had to report on my application.  I did tell them what was going on but they told me based on my record it made no sense at all to them and they were happy to hire me.    

            I had no car remember if I went on an interview I rented a car to take to the interview.  I called Susan and told her I would need my truck.  I was free to travel anywhere in California but no where else with out a court order to approve it.  She agreed to drive my truck to me and meet me in Northern California.  After all she knew if I had money coming in she get it because I was that way and with out a car there would be no job or money for her.  She had nearly spent all the money now from the stock options she cashed in that was over $35,000 she had after sending what I needed to pay my lawyer.  That was $35,000 she went through in 10 weeks, as I found out later she was still borrowing money from her parents all along as if she had nothing.   

            This was the first time I had seen Susan in over 3 months.  She was about 4 hours late getting to our meeting place and Sara was with her.  Sara was in tears when she saw me and gave me a big hug and kiss she was only 14 and didn’t understand anything.  Susan and I had talked about getting together and her selling the house in Idaho and coming to California as soon as I got a job.  Neither of us like California at all and the last place either of us ever wanted to live but I knew that California would never let me leave so I had to get a job here.  That first night Susan slept in the bed with Sara and I slept alone.  I had no idea what to say to her she pretty much had her mind made up since she saw the police report and after all she had talked to me for a couple of years before all this that she wanted out and to just go away she didn’t want the responsibility.

             The second night things were much better she slept with me and she actually initiated sex between us for the first time she had done that in nearly 10 years.    Things seemed like they may work for us but they were going to be awkward but I was happy that things seemed like we would be okay after all. 

             I was able to start work in Santa Monica finally on the July 17, 2000 and was actually making more money than I was making in Idaho.   It was not as much money as I would have made at Direct TV but that job was lost due to the publicity of my case they would not give me any chance to explain.  Like most who read about it I was as guilty as Charles Manson and no punishment short of execution would be enough. 

            I did quite well at this job and even the first week had to go to Atlanta for a week for some training and meeting of the people who knew what I had been going through and to ensure me they supported me.  That was very reassuring since I had no idea anymore with few exceptions who my friends were or what any of them believed.  Of course I had to get a court order to allow me to travel since I was not to leave California at any time for any reason with out the courts approval.  That was pretty easy as it turns out since it was about work and I have to believe that the judge in my case actually had more understanding about what I had been through that she could let on public ally. 

            I had to meet with the company that my lawyer had hired in my behalf to gather mitigating evidence in my support.  I was told they received dozens and dozens of letters from my friends and family in my support but would only submit a few because they were afraid of overwhelming the judge and making it looked unbelievable.   I wish now of course I had forced them to release it all.  In fact I was not even allow to see all the letters that were received all I got was the report as it was given to the probation department and the courts.  Of course it goes along with what anyone who knew me or knows me now would say but it is opposite of what San Diego in general would want anyone to really know about me. 

            During this time between my release from jail and my sentencing date for August 1, 2000 I had to meet with the probation department in San Diego.  They get to weigh in as an equal participate to the DA, the Judge and my lawyer on the plea bargain that was arranged.  I met with an older woman just a few days before the sentencing who told me point blank that she was going to recommend a full year in prison in addition to the 5 years probation that was the only thing I agreed to so far.  She told me she had only 24 hours to review my files and the night before some old pervert was asking her daughter what color of panties was she wearing.  She went on to say that people like me need to be locked up for life and she was going to do what ever she could to ensure I never asked her daughter what color her panties were.  Of course I wasn’t the one and of course I never asked that question of anyone before but that didn’t matter I could tell from the publicity I had gotten from day one and the fact that it was an election year that this county was going to do all they could legal or illegal to secure a conviction and as much punishment as possible.   It was as it always had been I stood no chance against their ability to lie. 

            When the day of sentencing came I had spent the night in San Diego with my aunt and uncle.  My uncle insisted on coming to court with me and wanted to drive me there as well.  I have to let you know that my brother and sister-in-law wanted to come as well and be there with me to support me but I let my lawyer talk me into not involving anyone so as to protect them from the press and the police.  Well I got to court on time but they were about 3 or 4 cases behind so my uncle and I set there while these proceedings were taking place.  My lawyer came in and insisted that my uncle leave the court room.  I understand now 7 years later that all he was doing by telling my friends and family not to come around was supporting the DA’s opening statement in our first day in court back in March of 2000 and that was I had no ties to San Diego and no family support at all.   You can only imagine how it felt to be all alone every single time I had to face the judge and the press in court with out one person there I knew except a lawyer that was suppose to be on my side.  Just look at the cases involving real crimes like even Michael Jackson.  He was in court for the second time in his life accused of molesting real children by the real children he was accused of molesting.  Yet his whole family was in court by his side every single time he went to court.  Here I was the only evidence against me was created by the police most of it fabricated and less than half of the support statements in my behalf were even admitted to the court.   

            At least for my sentencing I had been out of jail for over two months I was able to appear in court dressed and groomed for the first time like any other day in my life.  I wore a suit and tie to work most every day and I did to court that day as well. It would be the courts and the publics first view of me clean, not shackled, and groomed like a normal person.  The day I was released from jail it had been just over two months from my last hair cut and beard trim.  I looked like something the cat had drug down from the mountain and fit every visual expectation of a pervert as a result.  Not this time however, I was dressed.  In fact some members from the press came into court while I was waiting my turn and set next to me and carried on normal conversations with me. They were there as it turned out to cover my case yet they had no idea who I was and treated me like any normal person would be treated that they respected.  I found out why they were there when the bailiff asked them to leave when he was trying to make room for the case that was in progress for people to sit down. 

            Before my case was to be finalized the judge called my lawyer and the DA to her chambers and they were there for some 30 minutes.  Like most everything in my case 99% of the hearings were done in private in her chambers.  My lawyer came out and in about 10 minutes my named was called.   The press that I had been sitting next to dropped their mouths when I approached the bench they had no clue they had been sitting next to the man that had been billed and public enemy number one in San Diego the last 5 months.  They stopped the cameras shortly after I approached the bench I believe because I no longer fit the visual that would support the lies that had been told about me the previous 5 months.  I was in no position to defend myself at all the evidence and all the verbal testimony provided by the DA were 90% lies and the other 10% were excerpts of the things I had said during our internet chats all taken out of context to support the police and the DA’s case against me.   

            I was relieved of course when the judge went with the original agreement and sentenced me to only 5 years of probation.  Most real people don’t understand that the judge has the right and the authority to throw out the whole agreement and impose any sentence they want in keeping with the maximum penalty allowed.  That means she could have sentenced me to 20 years in prison but she didn’t.  Many times during court appearances I believe now she didn’t believe one word that the DA said against me, in fact a few times she chastised him public ally for his actions and words.  My lawyer never raised and objection to his conduct and statements but she did.  I think in the end her hands were tied since I was never going to have the opportunity to speak.   When you agree to a plea bargain they make you sign three sets of papers swearing that you agree to the bargain and were not coerced in any way shape or form.  They do that so if you ever do go back on the bargain and can defend yourself they will throw those written documents in your face and be able to charge you with perjury for signing them in the first place.

             Along with the 5 years probation I was fined just over $800.00, restricted to Los Angles County, Orange County, and San Diego County except as worked required.   The judge stated publicly that no one would prevent me from travel as required for my job she understood that my work would carry me around the country at times and wanted nothing to interfere with that.  I was ordered to have no contact with minors except relatives.  I could communicate with other minors only if a probation approved supervisor was present.  That restriction alone kept me later from applying for dozens of jobs simply because I would have had to have contact with minors in the conduct of my job.  I was ordered to no alcohol and to report to probation monthly.  Since the shrinks I had seen had recommended no further counseling required and said I was a normal adult male the judge left counseling requirements open to the judgment of the probation officer. 

            The probation officer at the time was still the older lady and I was ordered to report to her right after the hearing.  She ordered me to go to counseling as deemed required by the counselor, when I explained she was ordering me to go to counseling with a counselor that all ready stated in writing in his report along with the other shrink I needed no counseling she simply stated back to me they don’t know what they are talking about and I say you need counseling.  In less than a single minute she disregarded all the training and experience of professionals that the County of San Diego used almost exclusively to convict child molesters simply because in their professional evaluations and statements they didn’t agree with the police, the DA, or the probation department.  I ended up having to go to counseling for just over the next two years at a cost of nearly $500 each month when you consider the lost time from work and the $250 and hour.  They never knew what to talk about when I would go to counseling but could not convince the probation department for over two years I didn’t need to be there except maybe for marriage counseling.   The guy in San Diego I would go to talked mostly about my jobs in the Army and in particular my responsibilities at the White House and the covert nature of my responsibilities.  Now I know most people would never understand the harm in that but a few in the FBI, the Secret Service, and military intelligence can certainly understand a problem. Since I was under duress in the first place to be there and being asked questions totally out of context for the overt reason I was ordered there.   

            I know the problem people who know John Davis can’t imagine the responsibilities I actually had and the authority I carried.  To anyone outside the military organizations I belonged to I appeared to be just a very normal person that worked in a uniform for a living is all.  However those of you that read this book in the future along with certain FBI, USSS, and military intelligence groups can fully understand what was at risk here.  I can only hope someday you will appreciate the fact that I stood my ground and kept my secrets regardless of the price I had to pay personally.  For like anyone who knew me at the time I carried these responsibilities I am first last and always an Army Officer and will be for the rest of my life regardless of the consequences.  I am sworn to support and defend the constitution of the United States and to keep the secrets I was given secret until the President declassifies the information and not by some individual’s opinion of the law.  I am sure the officers and men that knew what I did understand but since the whole nature of our jobs was covert chances are they are the only ones that will understand what I mean here.  They will also recall in many  cases what we were told about local law enforcement agencies and what our standing orders were to deal with the ones that became to inquisitive as to our operations.   

            This portion was finally over I had plead guilty to a felony charge of and attempted lewd act with a fictitious child under the age of 14.  Little did I understand the life long ramifications of that.   I would be labeled for life as a child molester, never allowed to vote again, register each year of the rest of my life and in many states like California all my information posted on the internet including my picture and my physical address.  Needless to say you have all seen cases where some vigilante or group finds out where you live and make your life a living hell.  So far that has not happened to me I have lived in my current location now for nearly 5  years and I can only hope that if a neighbor should find out and object to my presence here the others that have lived with me the last 5 years would defend me.  However, with the label I carry most people revert to the 1600s and I might as well been labeled a witch and they simply want to burn you at the stake and let God sort it out.        

     I confessed to a mind crime I did not and could not commit.  It was a confession not of what I was thinking or was looking to accomplish by getting on to the AOL chat rooms but what the Police wanted me to think.  Since they told me that the only way they would talk to me was if I would teach their imaginary girls about sex and that I kept talking to them they had me.  It didn’t matter that I told them dozens of times I didn’t believe the girls were real and I was interested in the woman my thoughts were not the issue but theirs was.  With out money to defend myself and with not only my life at risk but my children’s lives as well there was little I could do.  The DA had managed to convict me in the press and had put at risk billions of dollars in covert projects I was responsible for or had knowledge of by keeping me in the press.  He knew this to be true when he told my lawyer that I did not want a public trial and the deal was the best there was going to be offered.  He had all the recorded conversations between my lawyer and I since I had to use the Jail’s telephone when ever I spoke with my attorney.   

            If you think you could have resisted and went to trial then you must have known you’d have $250,000 to $300,000 in cash to pay your legal bills and you would care what happened to your children or your country by defending yourself.  I didn’t have sex of any kind and didn’t want sex of any kind with these imaginary children I will confess I wanted to be with the woman.  I had no intimacy at home and at 44 years of age I wanted to know what it was like again to have someone touch me other than myself.   

            I know Susan would tell you I was obsessed with sex and pornography, but the fact is I was obsessed with the lack of sex.  Since the night I was arrested and no longer lived with Susan my obsession for lack of sex died.  It’s a different world when you are not living with your life partner and the frustrations that come from rejection than living alone and no one around to stir your passion.   I don’t know if any one can imagine the pain, the frustration and the humiliation of being rejected for months at a time and yet live under the same roof with a woman that you had been married to for over 20 years and in love with.   I pray no one has to ever find out.   I pray you never have to find out what it is like to wear the same clothes for a full week at a time, your underwear, as well as your socks and outerwear.  Or what it is like to be locked up with some of the most perverted criminals known to man with the threat of being locked up with them for the rest of your life or what it is like for the police to threaten and abuse your children because you are accused of a crime.  Don’t forget the sleep depravation from being in jail, its true there is not much to do there, but trying to sleep on a ¼” foam mattress over a steel plate doesn’t allow for sleep just constant exhaustion along with the noise the guards constantly inflict on you.  It would appear from my experience that county jails are nothing more than concentration camps designed to break your will to defend yourself and to give into any demand simply for the hope of some kind of life outside the bars.  From what I could see and now understand they are experts at brainwashing and mind torture beyond anything a foreign enemy can impose on a POW.  The police in this country will reach out and touch your family and at least as a POW you are reasonably sure that they can’t come to the United States and also torture your children and arrest them because you won’t sign a false confession.   

To top it all off my attorney warned me that if I did choose to go to court and not take the plea bargain then the State of Idaho and the Federal government would also take their turn at prosecuting me and legal fees could be in excess of $750,000 to defend myself.  Innocent or not the DA or the police in San Diego could not afford for me to go to court and have the truth come out after all the press they had given themselves on my case.  After all it was a Presidential election year and San Diego was going to do anything and everything possible to associate me with the sex scandal President Clinton was involved with to get more votes for the Republican Party.   The Clinton administration could not come to my aid and risk association with yet another sex scandal being associated so much with their administration.  Guilty or innocent no government and for that matter no one wants to help a man accused of any kind of sex crime against a child imagined or real.  It is a no win situation for them there is no penalty for doing nothing or even testifying falsely in a sex crime however anyone that is perceived as an expert witness who testifies in favor of a man accused of this kind of crime can and is held personally libel if by chance in the years that come he should commit another sex crime or in my case if I were to ever commit a real sex crime.  Bottom line is no matter the circumstance once your accused you are guilty and that is all there is to it.  The only way you can stay out of prison is either to accept a plea bargain or have hundreds of thousands of dollars to defend yourself as well as be willing to put your life and the lives of those close to you on the line. 

            For the unfortunate military members who were forced to sign false confessions because of their mental and physical torture I understand now, just try to imagine how long you could hold out knowing your captures also had unlimited powers over your children and spouse as well.  

            I am still and Army officer I understand what I did was stupid and it caused the police to throw a hand grenade at my family and I.  I was left with no choice but to jump on the grenade and try to save my family from the fallout of their ruthlessness.

I had to of course deal with probation until August 1, of 2005 and all the lie detector tests and monthly reports but it did finally end.  I am still stuck in California not because of the probation but now it’s simply financial I have no means to free myself from here, no job to go to and no money to even pack up what I have to go so I simply cope every single day. 

I was lucking in 2003 that Angela and her husband came to live with me for a few months while she was pregnant with her first child. It helped me in so many ways just to know she still trusted me and knew in her heart from her life with me that I could in no way on earth ever hurt or abuse a child.  It broke my heart when she moved back to Idaho but I dealt with that too. 

My first grandchild was born exactly one year on the date my mother was buried which also happens to be my birthday as well.  It was a sign from God and my mother both I am sure to have a better memory  of my birthday by giving me a new life to love on my birthday just exactly one year from the date I buried my mother.   

Angela and her family once again came to live with me and near me later in 2004 when the baby was only 3 months old. I was as happy as I had ever been to have them in my life on an almost daily basis. It was as if I was going to have a normal family life after all.  However as things would go they left me in 2005 and I have only seen them once since then and that was in February of 2007 when I finally managed to gain enough in credit to drive up and see my whole family again.   I now have 3 grandchildren 2 boys and my little grand daughter that was my birthday present.  It breaks my heart every single day that I can’t be with them more and I pray for hours every single day that God will allow me soon to be with them on a regular basis.   

If you haven’t figured it out by now I never violated my probation in any way shape of form of course the only thing on my record at all is the event that the police fabricated in 2000 other than 3 traffic tickets the last being in 1983.  That doesn’t matter however one’s real life can’t stand up to the accusations and lies of a corrupted police force.  One can only live the best one can with the results.  No one seems to be the slightest bit interested in justice only revenge and it doesn’t seem to matter to anyone who the revenge is taken out on as long as it is given.  To me the police and even the public as a whole are no better than the men and women in prison to day.  It doesn’t matter any more to a person in prison who pays for making them feel bad any more than it does to the police or the public as long as someone pays something for making them feel bad as well.